Diva Battle Royal for contender to Mickie’s title on Raw, 11/27/06

This week, after what I personally think was a let down match between Mickie and Lita at Survivor Series, Mickie joins JR and the King on commentary. All the Raw divas enter the ring for a chance to become the number one contender for Mickie’s championship title.

JR asks who is she hoping will win, to which Mickie responds “Oh, I don’t care. I ain’t afraid of any of them; I’ll take on anyone.”

The final divas were left to battle it out were Candice Michelle and Victoria. The winner was Victoria. However, if anyone has the footage and cares to replay it, you’ll notice Candice was thrown over the second rope to the floor; and thus should not have been disqualified.

After Victoria won the Battle Royal, she walked up to Mickie for a little trash talking. I’m not sure what she said. Mickie was basically retorting with generic “What!? Bring it on! I ain’t afraid of you.”

Victoria then walked back into the ring and delivered The Widows Peak to Candice. This was supposed to intimidate Mickie; but Mickie wasn’t impressed.

Well that is pretty much the entire segment. I think it’s odd that Victoria was chosen to be the winner. I mean after all, won’t this be the first match she’s won in over a year? And isn’t it odd that the biggest, and strongest diva on Raw hasn’t won in about a year?

So it all leads me to ask this question: is Victoria going to quickly and easily job out to Mickie? Or is the WWE finally going to give Lisa Marie Varon’s character “Victoria” some respect and dignity?

The potential to have one hellacious rivalry between the two certainly exists, but then one has to realize that if anyone can destroy a great idea, it’s the WWE.

Mickie vs. Lita Surviver Series 11/26/06

Mickie won the Women’s Championship Title from Lita, in Lita’s retirement match, by scoring a pin fall in 8.18 minutes.

This match was what I believe is referred to as a slug fest. It was mostly punches, kicks, and shoving their opponent into the turnbuckles or face first into the mat. As far as WWE women’s matches go, it was well above average. The simple fact it lasted more than 3 minutes shows it was an exceptional match. However, there was nothing historical about this match.

The score of the match is as follows (click here for an explanation of my point system):

Mickie
Striking: 38
Tosses: 6
Locks: 1
Aerials: 0
Kick-outs: 6

Lita
Striking: 25
Tosses: 14
Locks: 2
Aerials: 2
Kick-outs: 5

Winner: Mickie James, championship title. Pinfall in 8.18 minutes.
Mickie’s total score: 53
Lita’s total score: 67

This match was actually a let down. In fact, I don’t think it was as good as their match on Cyber Sunday.

Even though Lita scored 14 tosses, most of them were just shoves; shoving Mickie’s face into the mat, shoving her face first into the turnbuckle, Irish Whip into the corner. It was basically eight minutes of trading blows.

I think my real disappointment in this stems from the three weeks of squash matches, where Mickie had to fight one match with her hand tied behind her back, another with her feet shackled, and another one blind folded. These served as teasers leading to this match; and so I just expected more.

Also, this was Lita’s retirement match. Lita, the most important woman in the history of women’s wrestling, was in her final match against a woman that was to carry the torch for her generation, and it consisted of mostly trading punches.

I feel really let down that we didn’t see half a dozen Hurricanrannas, at least one suicide dive, 30 seconds of chain wrestling, and at least one rope maneuver to the outside, and someone going through a table could have acted as the icing on the cake.

Lita went with what I believe is called a Rear Naked Choke. It is a sleeper hold and a body scissors hold at the same time.

The only submission or “Lock” that Mickie went for was the head scissors in preparation for a Hurricanranna that was reversed into a sort of flapjack by Lita. I wasn’t really sure whether or not that constituted as a lock by Mickie.

If it being Lita’s retirement match, and being a pretty lame match wasn’t sad enough, Cryme Tyme then comes out and begins humiliating Lita by auctioning off to the crowd some things they stole from her dressing room. Panties, brazier, yeast infection cream, and a vibrator. The segment wasn’t really funny, just toilet humor (the one thing WWE is good at) and humiliating to Lita.

To see the way Trish got to retire, and compare it to the way Lita retired, and it is proof positive that no matter how hard you work, if you’re a woman, it’ll all come down to how pretty you are.

Another thing that took away from the match was the crowd’s never end chants of “hoooooooe” and “she’s got herpes” and King’s non-stop “slut” jokes towards her.

I really wish Lita well on her new career as a musician. Perhaps the music industry will treat her with more respect than the wrestling industry.

Mickie vs. Lita on Raw, 11/20/06

And yet, another squash match. This time Mickie is blind folded. With all of these squash matches, we better be in for one hell of a match at Survivor Series.

This match was totally crap. It only lasted 1.23 minutes. And Mickie got one move in. She, on her knees, lunged towards Lita, grabbed her legs, causing Lita to fall with Mickie on top. I suppose the move was technically a double leg take down.

The score is as follows (click here for an explanation of my point system)
Winner: Lita, Pinfall, in 1.23 minutes.

Mickie
Striking: 0
Tosses: 1
Locks: 0
Aerials: 0
Kick-outs: 0

Lita
Striking: 15
Tosses: 4
Locks: 0
Aerials: 1
Kick-outs: 0

Mickie total score: 2
Lita total score: 27

The only thing even remotely interesting about this match was that it appeared Lita busted Mickie in the face when doing her Moonsault. I seen Mickie flinch right before Lita landed on her (proving that the black hood can be seen through) and then Mickie, laying on her back, grabbed her mouth, and started to roll over on her side before Lita rolled her back over for the pinfall. The medical staff then came out and attended to her while Lita went on with her retirement speech.

I thought at first the medical staff attending to Mickie was all Kayfabe; I didn’t even notice Lita’s knee busting Mickie in the face, or her grabbing her face afterward, until somebody told me about it. A few other people told me they also seen some blood on the inside of her mouth.

Mickie vs Lita on Raw, 11/13/06

Like last week, this was a special conditions match. Instead of Mickie having one hand tied behind her back, she had both legs shackled.

Lita asked before the start of the match “What do you have to say for yourself Mickie?”
To which Mickie answered “After this match, I’ll be sure to give these shackles back to you, because we all know it’s you who needs your legs tied shut.” And with that, Lita runs into the ring and spears Mickie, and begins beating her up.

The match wasn’t all that spectacular; in fact it sucked. It was another squash match, only this time with Mickie as the winner. Lita decided to step out of the ring and yell at DX who were sitting in the front row leading the Hacksaw Jim Dugan “Hooooooh” chant. Lita took away Triple H’s huge salami stick, tossed it in the ring, and then proceeded to yell at him and shove him. Triple H retaliated by squirting mustard in her face and eyes.

Lita staggered back into the ring, blinded by mustard, while the referee was admonishing and warning DX.

Mickie had picked up the giant salami and hit Lita in the face with it, knocking Lita out, and getting the pin as the referee, who conveniently decided to pay attention to the match, climbed back in and counted the pin fall. I think it was really phony how Mickie hit Lita with the salami. She grasped both ends, and diagonally grazed her head with it. The least she could have done was to swing that damn salami like a baseball bat.

Anyhow, here are the match results below. Click here to understand my scoring system.

Time: 3.03 minutes. Winner: Mickie James, by pin fall.

Mickie
Striking: 5
Tosses: 1
Locks: 0
Aerials: 0
Kickouts: 1

Lita
Striking: 23
Tosses: 4
Locks: 1
Aerials: 0
Kickouts: 0

Total Score
Mickie: 7
Lita: 34

Mickie versus Lita on Raw, 11/6/06

This Raw is War, after their match at Cyber Sunday -where Lita beet Mickie in a lumberjack, or lumberjill match, where Lita won, reactivating the women’s title- Lita decides to be a good sport, and allow Mickie a shot at the title.

Unfortunately it turns out not to be as sportsmen of Lita as we first thought; Lita cons temporary GM, Erich Bischoff, into forcing Mickie to compete with one hand tied behind her back. This was essentially a squash match.

Mickie wasn’t able to mount an offense, though she did acquire twelve punches and kicks. Eleven of them were all done in one five second burst when she capitalized on Lita’s mistake, and got the upper hand for about six seconds. But Lita quickly put an end to Mickie’s split second comeback.

The match’s score went like this: (click here to understand my point system)

Time: 1.26 minutes.
Winner: Lita, by pinfall.

Mickie
Striking: 12
Tosses: 0
Locks: 0
Aerials: 0
Kickouts: 0

Lita
Striking: 7
Tosses: 3
Locks: 0
Aerials: 1
Kickouts: 0

Total score
Mickie: 12
Lita: 17

Understanding my point system

The categories are as follows: Striking, Locks, Tosses, Aerials, Kickouts.

The criteria for these categories are as follows:

Striking: Striking is anytime the performer uses any part of their body to impact their opponent. Such things would include punches, kicks, poking the eyes, slaps, chops, shoves, kicks, drop kicks, headbutts, low blows, clotheslines, knee and elbow strikes etc.
I do not count missed strikes. If both competitors strike each other at the same time; they are both awarded a point for striking. If a punch or kick is countered/reversed or effectively blocked, I will not count it as a strike. In the case where a striking maneuver was blocked simply by the opponent covering up, I will count that as a strike, because it was landed.

Locks: locks are any lock, hold, or submission. Basically a lock is the art of applying constant pressure on an opponent’s body part, reducing circulation of blood, or stretching muscle, or bending a limb against the joint’s natural flow. Such things would include wrist lock, headlock, head scissors, Boston crab, crippler crossface, bearhug, choking, sleeper hold, abdominal stretch. Basically any move with the words lock, stretch, hold, will be considered a Lock. A reversed lock will count as a lock by the initiator of the move, and then also count by the opponent reversing the move, and I will continue to award a point to each competitor for each time they reverse the hold of their opponent. If both competitors have a lock placed onto their opponent, than I will award both of them a point. If, however, both competitors have a lock placed on the other, but only one of them is doing any kind of damage, I will award the one that has the clear and definite upper hand, but will not credit the desperate and innovative lock of his opponent.

Tosses: A toss is a move that moves the opponent so that the pain they feel comes from their collision with a still object (such as a ring post or the mat.). Swinging or throwing a weapon at someone is not a toss; it is a strike. The reason is because the weapon is in motion, not the person getting hit. An example is you running face first into a brick wall; you hit the wall - the wall did not hit you. Moves that are considered tosses are: any suplex, any throwing of the opponent, body slams, Irish whips, shoulder breaker, DDT, piledriver, powerbomb, drop toe hold, slamming their face into the turn buckle, or shoving their body into any still object. I do not count tosses that are blocked or reversed. I will count a successful reversal as a point for the person that pulled it off, but not for the person who was attempting, but failed, to properly execute the toss.

Kickouts: This is when the person kicks out of a pin, reverses a pin, or escapes a pin by placing a foot on the rope. I do not count pinfalls that were broken by a partner’s interference, or by the person that was doing the pin, purposely breaking the cover to torment them more. If an inside cradle or sunsetflip pin by competitor A, is reversed by Competitor B, the kickout point is awarded to Competitor B. If Competitor A then reverses that, he will gain a point as well, and I will continue to award a kickout out point each time a pinfall is reversed.

Aerials: These are any moves that start by the perpetrator using an elevation point to execute an impact move. That is to say, it is a striking move that began at an elevated point. The word “elevated” in this example means that the perpetrator is standing at a higher point than his victim when using an impact, or striking move. Examples of this are the frog/body splashes off of the top, second, or bottom rope. Hurricanrannas off of the top, second, or bottom rope. Elbow drop from an elevated point etc.

Perhaps it would help if I included some things that are not aerials. If your opponent is lying on the mat, and you run across the ring, jump, and body splash them; this is not an aerial. The reason is because even though you jumped to gain height, your feet took off of the same level his feet/body were at. And thus a running jumping, body splash, is considered a Striking move. If however, the running, jumping, body splash/elbow drop/leg drop were done off of the apron, to an opponent lying below, outside, on the floor, that would be an aerial.

In the case of Someone like Jeff Hardy, who often uses his brother’s back as a stepping stool to leap through the air onto a standing opponent; that would be considered an aerial, because his brother (or partner) is crouched down, with his back elevated above the mat. Sabu running across the ring, leaping onto a chair in the middle of the ring, and then splashing/flipping onto his opponent, is an aerial because the chair became the point of elevation, as did Matt Hardy’s back when Jeff goes for the Poetry In Motion.

The one that was very difficult to classify was slinging your body over the ropes and onto your opponent. A Slingshot Legdrop, as typically is performed by standing on the outside apron, using the top rope to catapult your body above the top rope, and then land onto a laying opponent, is an aerial because the top rope became a “holding” point for the leverage (height) of the move, and thus the top rope became the elevation point.

Even more difficult to classify, was in the case of the Spirit Squad, Jumping on a trampoline from the outside floor, to clothesline someone who is on the outside apron. Because the perpetrator’s feet began at a lower point than his opponent’s –as opposed to being above- it shouldn’t technically be called an aerial. However, because the trampoline accelerated his height beyond what mere jumping could accomplish; I am going to label this as an aerial. The same applies for a latter match where one person might jump off of a ladder, standing at the same height, or lower, than his opponent standing on his ladder; this is considered an aerial because the ladders’ elevation from the point of impact (the floor or mat) is causing the victim and or the perpetrator to fall to a point below their starting elevation.

This should also count for a superplex off of the top rope. However, I consider this to be a toss because it begins with a grapple, and the pain, or impact, is not caused by elevated or airborne body slamming into the opponent. Plus the feet of the opponent is equal to the perpetrator’s at the time of the move. This also includes throwing someone out of the ring, knocking them off of the top rope or apron, throwing them off of the stage etc.

One more note about my calculation of aerials; I count missed aerial attacks as aerials, but I do not consider missed striking moves as strikes. If someone does a moonsault off of the top rope, and their opponent moves out of the way, it is inconsequential to the performing of the move.

My final score system

I thought a fun thing to do would be to add up all the points each wrestler scored, and proclaim that to be their overall performance value. Due to the fact that wrestling is fake, no point system can accurately portray the worth of a performance, and thus my point system in and of itself says nothing about the value of the performance, nor was it ever intended to do so. A problem I faced was that “striking” was the most common move in a match, and yet the least spectacular. So I decided to create a system of value for each category.

First we have striking; it is the least difficult and most frequent move in a match; thus it gets a value of 1. Meaning I will take the total amount of strikes and multiply it by 1.

Second we have Tosses. Tosses are what make professional wrestling what it is. Often it is a toss of sorts that is the second most spectacular move witnessed in a professional wrestling match. However, in a woman's wrestling match most moves that get labeled as a "Toss" are hair pulling stunts or just really weak moves. Tosses, such as pile drivers, Power-bombs, German suplexes, and the like require more talent than performing holds, or throwing fake punches. But seeing as how those actual moves are almost never seen in a woman's match, I find Tosses to be the third most spectacular moves in a match, earning them a value of 2.
Meaning I will multiply the total score for tosses by 2.

Third we have Locks. Locks require a bit of ingenuity, and are the heart of true wrestling. And even though they are the heart of wrestling, they are the third least likely move to occur in a match. Typically I'd view Tosses, such as suplexes and such, to be more spectacular than holds. But unfortunately when it comes to women's matches most of the tosses we see are hair pulling moves. Things such as grabbing the hair and whipping them across the ring. Things such as grabbing the hair and bashing their face into the mat. Also considering that Locks are almost as rare in a woman's match as are aerials. And so I've decided in the case of women's wrestling that the amount of locks seen is very suggestive of the amount of practical old school wrestling was going on. I value Locks/Holds as being the second most valued move in a match (with Aerials being number one), and thus its value is 3.
Meaning I will take the number of locks and multiply it by 3.

Aerials are obviously the most spectacular moves you’ll see in a match. They normally carry the highest risk of injury, and botching. This is one of the reasons they were termed “high risk maneuver”. So I have given aerials the highest value of category, and thus they score a 4. Meaning I take the total aerials and multiply them by 4.

Then I add up all the numbers, and that is the total score for the performer.

I do not count Kickouts as being point worthy. Does a person kick out of a pin a dozen times in a match because they are resilient, or because their opponent made a lot of pin attempts after a less than spectacular move? And thus I do not incorporate kickouts as point worthy.

So an example of the total score system would look like this:

Wrestler
Striking: 10 x1=10
Tosses: 10 x2=20
Locks: 10 x3=30
Aerials: 10 x4=40
Kickouts: 10 x0=0

Total score: 100

At some point in time I may include botches as deductible points. But as of now, I don’t calculate them at all.

Mickie verses Lita at Cyber Sunday 2006

Mickie versus Lita at Cyber Sunday 2006

This match was a lumberjack, or lumberjill, match. All divas were present.

The match lasted eight minutes and five seconds (8.05).
Lita being victorious and winning the Women’s Championship.

I calculated the match, and keep in mind, I did not count the interaction with the Lumberjills into the score. Click Here to understand my point system The match’s score was like this:

Mickie
Striking: 23
Tosses: 13
Locks: 3
Aerials: 0
Kickouts: 3

Lita
Striking: 19
Tosses: 11
Locks: 3
Aerials: 0
Kickouts: 2

Total skill displayed by Mickie: 58
Total skill displayed by Lita: 50


It was a great match in my opinion, despite two possible botched moves by Mickie.
The first one was when Mickie captured Lita in a leg (head) scissors and attempted to flip both herself and Lita over the ropes, to the outside. I’ve watched this frame by frame, and from the camera angle, and the quality of my digital media, it appears either Lita did not flip herself over the top rope fast enough, or Mickie lost her grip on the head scissors, or Mickie’s feet slipped off of the apron.

I saw Mickie’s feet slip off of the apron when she landed, but I have to question if they were even supposed to land on the apron at all. Of course an early release on the head scissors could be what lead to the feet slipping off of the apron when landing. Of course Lita’s delay in flipping over the top rope could have lead to Mickie’s premature release on the head scissors, which caused the improper landing, and thus slipping, off of the apron. There are just too many possibilities as to what went wrong.

But, both Mickie and Lita made it to being out side of the ring and having the Lumberjills toss them back in. So, botched or not, the outcome was the same.

The second botch was when Mickie was going for her DDT finisher. I believe it’s technically a Tornado DDT? Anyhow, in the corner, she tried to use the ropes to run across to create the 180 spin, like something out of The Matrix. It appears her foot slipped, or missed, and she hit the mat without Lita.

Some say this was a botch. I question whether or not that wasn’t intentional. My reason for suspecting that botch was intended is this:

As soon as Mickie hit the mat, Lita went for a cover, and used her feet on the ropes for leverage. Lumberjill Candice Michelle knocked Lita’s feet off of the ropes allowing Mickie to kick out of the pin- perfect timing.

Mickie then made her way up, and moments later, ran to the far side of the ring to bounce off of the ropes for some kind of a move, and had her foot grabbed by Victoria. Mickie then did a drop kick through the ropes, hitting her other two arch rivals, Victoria, and Melina. She then turned around and was suddenly given Lita’s DDT, and immediately pinned.

So, if this were a botch, we must accept the fact that Lita was meant to win, and thus Mickie was never meant to hit that Tornado DDT. Also, at some point in time, Candice Michelle was meant to knock Lita’s feet off of the ropes when she was trying to pin Mickie, right over there where it happened.

And we know Mickie was meant to get tripped up by Victoria, and then deliver a through the ropes drop kick onto her and Melina.

So, it all worked together so seamlessly, that I am skeptical on whether or not that was botch.

Either way, I think it was a great match.

Melina versus Mickie 10-23-06

It has been anticipated forever. Both Melina and Mickie fans have been dying to see this match. Currently, among WWE diva smarks, Melina and Mickie are like Coke and Pepsi, like Ford and Chevy. They are considered the top two talented divas in the company right now.

It was destined to be a classic in the making. Unfortunately, the match lasting a little under four minutes, cut that short.

Despite the very limited time frame these girls had to work with, I think both Melina and Mickie pulled off a great match.

Melina fans claim Mickie James botched everything, and no sold, attempting to turn it into a squash match. Mickie fans claim Melina was dead weight and Mickie had to carry her. In other words Mickie fans belittled Melina’s performance, Melina fans belittled Mickie’s performance. Each fan group claiming their girl had to sell this move and that move. I suppose this translates to both girls carrying each other and selling it well- which is my interpretation.

I think the match was great for its short time, and both girls performed really well.

I have tabulated the match. Click Here to understand my point system

Mickie
Striking: 27
Toss: 6
Lock: 0
Aerial: 0
Kickouts: 2

Melina
Striking: 18
Toss: 4
Lock: 2
Aerial: 0
Kickouts: 2

Taking the numbers I observed in the fight, and applying them to my system, the worth of which goes like this:

Mickie=39
Melina=32

Of course that tabulated score doesn’t really say anything about their actual skill or their performance that night; it’s just a little something extra I like to do when I tabulate matches like this.

Mickie Lingo

Mickielicious (Mik-ee-lish-us) or (Mik-ee-li-shis): A play on “Delicious”. May also refer to something being sweet or beautiful.

Micktastic (Mik-tastik): A play on the word “Fantastic”.

Mickirrific (Mik-ee-rifik): A play on “Terrific”. See also Micktastic.

Mickieish (Mik-ee-ish): To resemble Mickie James. An attribute common to Mickie James. To be typical of Mickie James.

Mickiemania (Mik-ee-main-ee-ya): Is to Mickie James what Hulkamania was to Hulk Hogan.

Mickiemaniac (Mik-ee-main-ee-ak): A very devoted fan of Mickie James. See also White_Wolf.

Micklish (mi-kul-ish) or (mik-e’-lish): What Mickie James would be if she were ticklish. Ok, so I made that one up.

Mickworthy (Mik-wer-thee) or (mik-worth-ee): Being worthy of Mickie James. Up to par with Mickie James. Example1: “Wow! Lita’s moonsault was totally mickworthy”. Example2: “Kenny isn’t mickworthy, but White_Wolf is.”

Mickieism (mik-ee-ism) or (mik-ee-iz-um): A religion centered on Mickie James.

Mickism as a theology: Mickism hails that Mickie James is absolute perfection. If all things are created by God, than his greatest creation is that which is “perfect” If Mickie is perfect, than she is God’s greatest creation. To become closer to God, one must emulate the characteristics of God’s greatest creations. Thus emulating Mickie James brings one closer to god. We come to know God through Mickie James, and worship God through her image.

A woman is to achieve godliness by doing as much as she can to look, and act like Mickie James.

A man is to achieve godliness by praising Mickie James, by adhering to the things Mickie James takes interest in, or by marrying a woman who is very mickieish.

By doing these things, we can become mickworthy. And we know that God loves all things mickworthy.